Paffy Dogstar

When Paffy resurrectes from his Death in Venice he feels enlightened. The foul stench of the canals is tickling his nostrils – it’s the smell of forthcoming success!
Now he believes that the best place to give it one very last try is Tuscany, where all the culture snobs of the world go on vacation or own a second or third home. He is convinced that he will capture the attention of the press doing a stand-in: he will tie himself to a tree to protest against indifference.
So there he stands, frozen, tied to a tree, in the wonderful tuscan-red Tuscan landscape in Tuscany. Many days go by without anybody noticing him there…
Morte Sicura!

Paffy in Toscana.

Dal momento che Paffy risuscita dalla sua Morte a Venezia si sente illuminato. La puzza dei canali gli sta stuzzicando le narici: sente l’odore dell’imminente successo!
Crede che il miglior posto per fare un ultimissimo tentativo è la Toscana, dove vanno tutti gli snob della cultura in vacanza, o vi possiedono una seconda o terza casa. Egli sa che catturerà l’attenzione della stampa con una sua azione molto radicale: uno “stand-in”. Si legerà ad un albero per protestare contro l’indifferenza.
Ed eccolo là, legato, immobile, nel meraviglioso paesaggio toscano di color rosso-toscano in Toscana. Passano molti giorni, e nessuno si accorge della sua presenza…
Morte Sicura!

Paffy realizes that Italy is not ready for his progressive rock, but before he withdraws permanently from the Mediterranean scene he wants to give it one last try: this time in the world of contemporary art as a Thanatosis Artist (thanatosis=deith-feigning practice).
Venice is the home of the Biennale (the bi-annual Contemporary Art Exhibit) as well as the Venice Film Festival, events that both draw large crowds of culture snobs from all over the world.
Paffy presumes that culture snobs have a sixth sense for AHT, so he travels to Venice and does his Thanatosis Performance on the bank of the Lido at the very moment George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis get off the taxi boat to start their walk on the water.
He hopes that the news media will notice him performing and zoom in on him. Unfortunately both the media and the public only have eyes for the eternal bachelor Clooney and his fiancé Canalis, who, as we all know, lasted 24 hours, but absorbed the consciousness of the entire world for 24 months!
Paffy decides to remain dead for a while, in the face of these disconcerting developments…

George Clooney ed Elisabetta Canalis

Paffy si rende conto che l’Italia non è pronto per il suo rock progressivo, ma prima di ritirarsi definitivamente dalla scena mediterranea decide di provarci un’ultima volta: questa volta però nel mondo dell’arte contemporanea come Artista di Thanatosis (la pratica del fingersi morto). Venezia è la città che ospita sia la Biennale che il Festival Internazionale dell’Arte Cinematografica, eventi che attirano una folla enorme di snob della cultura da tutto il mondo.
Paffy presume che gli snob della cultura abbiano un sesto senso per l’AHT, quindi si reca a Venezia ed esegue una sua performance di Thanatosis nel preciso momento che George Clooney ed Elisabetta Canalis scendono dalla barca per iniziare la loro passeggiata sull’acqua. Egli spera che i media s’accorgano di Paffy Dogstar impegnato nella sua performance, e che facciano una benevola zoomata su di lui.
Sfortunatamente però, sia i media che il pubblico hanno soltanto interesse per l’eterno scapolo Clooney e la fidanzata, i quali, come noi tutti sappiamo, hanno durato 24 ore, ma hanno assorbito la coscienza del mondo intero per ben 24 mesi!
Paffy decide di rimanere morto per un po’, alla luce di questi sviluppi sconcertanti…

Paffy is fired on the spot by the talent agency after the embarrassing incident at the Porcocane wedding, but Paffy doesn’t feel in the least defeated.
He confidently plans his break-through.
The next step is: Participate in the talent show for musicians called “P-Factor”.
He, literally, gets on the train all the way to Rome for the selection, but soon he learns that the P-Factor jury has a serious hearing problem. They are all as deaf as doorposts, unable to distinguish quality from pure crap, and they compensate for that by talking a ton of bullshit haphazardly.
Paffy is eliminated by the jury while doing his warm-up vocalizes, before he can even start his song. He is being told to clear the stage for the next participant, who, to Paffy’s abhorrence, is Ipaic! On top of it all Ipaic is promptly selected as the winner.
A few days later, when Paffy hears that Ipaic is signed by the big Chinese label Pong Records and sees him on TV as a star, he turns away from show business in disgust.
His dramatic conclusion:” Meglio morti che abbandonati in TV” (Better off dead than abandoned on TV).

In the meantime…
Ipaic is livid after hearing Paffy’s magnificent vocalizes at P-Factor. He realizes that Paffy is a potential threat to his business and can ruin his career if anybody will ever find out about Paffy’s AHT. Ipaic calls Ping, the owner of Pong Records, who gives the hedgehog immediate instructions to follow Paffy around, wherever he goes…

P-Factor

Nel frattempo..
Ipaic è furibondo dopo aver sentito i magnifici vocalizzi di Paffy a P-Factor. Si rende conto che Paffy rappresenta una potenziale minaccia ai suoi affari, e che può rovinare la sua carriera se mai qualcuno dovesse venire a conoscenza dell’ AHT di Paffy. Ipaic chiama Ping, il titolare di Pong Records, che gli da istruzioni immediate di inseguire Paffy dovunque vada…

Paffy concludes that the “non-playing” at little joints in Nowhere Land is just a waste of time and energy.
Therefore he moves from Nowhere Land to Nowhere Beach Resort.
A talent agency hires him to play at the wedding of Joe Porcocane, whose family belongs to a ferocious mafia clan.
Paffy puts his Trincicles aside, because “Erst kommt dass Fressen, dann kommt die Moral” (First comes a full stomach, then comes ethics) and accepts the job.
“You never know. One thing leads to another!” is his witful thought.
However, the invisible contract containes an invisible clause that Paffy overlooked: Joe Porcocane and his bride had hired Paffy to provide them with a fun drowning experience during a collective suicide party, and they explicitly requested an ANT.
Paffy proves to be hopelessly inadequate… Morte sicura!

Il matrimonio del Porcocane.

Paffy decide di non sprecare più la sua energia né il suo talento nelle bettole in Terra di Nessuno.
Da Terra di Nessuno si dirige verso Terra di Nessuno-Lido.
Tramite un’agenzia di spettacolo viene ingaggiato per suonare al matrimonio di Joe Porcocane, il cui famiglia appartiene ad un clan mafioso feroce.
Ma Paffy mette i suoi Trincichi da parte, perché “Erst kommt das Fressen, dann kommt die Moral” (prima la pancia piena, poi la morale). “D’altronde”, ragiona, “Non si sa mai: una cosa porta all’altra!”
Invece, a Paffy è sfuggita una clausola invisibile nel contratto invisibile: Joe Porcocane e la sua sposa Margherita avevano ingaggiato Paffy per procurarli una bella esperienza di annegamento durante un suicidio di gruppo, ed a tale fine avevano richiesto esplicitamente un musicista con ANT.
Paffy risulta inadeguatissimo… Morte sicura!

At the beginning of the road to success Paffy finds himself in Nowhere Land, where he discovers a restaurant with the remarkable potential of becoming the number-one jazz venue of the area.
The place is called “The Place”, and is run by Mirk and Murk, two retired DJ-M’s (Depressed Jazz Musicians). They actually retired before they reached success, because success kept running ahead of them, and it ran way too fast.
Paffy goes to the Place every night, to network with the tables and chairs.
This is when he meets Ipaic, the hedgehog, who is the house musician with ANT (Absolutely No Talent), but with great communication skills and ardent perseverance.
Paffy waits for a chance to sing a song, so that Mirk and Murk will recognize that they are having an AHT in the house, but Ipaic never grants him the opportunity and holds on to his microphone as if his life depends on it.
Mirk and Murk are not in the least interested in Paffy and Ipaic’s feud, and are actually getting tired of Paffy being their only customer, who, above all, does not consume anything…but their patience.

To be continued…

IL POSTO

Segue…

©2011Lizz

This image shows Paffy successfully practicing thanatosis in the Paffy Falls National Forest. Wolfgang is convinced the dog is dead and makes his way out of the forest under his umbrella, protecting himself against the drizzle as if he were a human being.
This painting, by the artist Lizz, was conceived after listening to numerous folk tales that go around in the gloomy taverns of the forest area.

Questa immagine dimostra Paffy che pratica thanatosis con successo nel Parco Nazionale di PaffY Falls. Wolfgang è convinto che il cane è morto e lascia la foresta sotto l’ombrello, proteggendosi dalla pioggierella come se lui fosse un essere umano.
Questo dipinto, dell’artista Lizz, è stato concepito dopo aver ascoltato numerose leggende popolari che circolano per le tristi taverne della zona forestale.

Like many other unfortunate dogs, Paffy is born with AHT (Absolute Humongous Talent). He grows up with his master Wolfgang in a quiet German town called Kurf.
Paffy loves to sing, but Wolfgang hates it, and to make him stop he hits Paffy with a hammer on his feet and breaks his tail at several points.
By the time his feet are irreparably flattened by the hammer and his tail looks like an open folding ruler, Paffy has developed the death-feigning practice (thanatosis) to avoid further abuse.
One day Wolfgang believes he has killed the dog with his brutal beatings and leaves him behind in the Paffy Falls National Forest, not knowing that Paffy has simply applied thanatosis.
Paffy resurrects and wanders out to the Mediterranean (because the weather is better down there) following his dream to become a Dogstar.
Initially intimidated by the harsh reality of the music business he thinks it wise to start with gigs on a local level – as all musician’s guides prescribe – in order to create a buzz, a fan base and reach the newspapers. The plan is to make some sort of name and head slowly toward the ultimate goal: FAME.

Will he be rewarded for his efforts?

…..to be continued…

Introduzione al Paffycismo

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